i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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