You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
