hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
