he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize