so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
