i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize