my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
