I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
