i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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