She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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