Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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