Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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