so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
