she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
