the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
whose parrot is this?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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