at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize