you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize