News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
