I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
