peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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