Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
