I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
