i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
