My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
