just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
