Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it hurts more in the daytime
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wear drunk well.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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