He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
