Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
