Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
