2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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