I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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