I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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