I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
