I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
