Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
