According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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