I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
