i just google imaged poop.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
