So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He? As in you personified your dick?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
