Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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