ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
