just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
