He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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