i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
