We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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