You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
