No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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