I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
