sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
this is an emotional support booty call
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
