I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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