I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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