So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
