I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
