Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
