just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize