She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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