Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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