I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
