I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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