Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You are the jesus of drinking
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
