I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
