lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
