I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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