Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
