Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize