This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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