talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
