Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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