my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
