best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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