Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
