Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
