I could make wine with my vomit
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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