I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
