Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
